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From Sad and Lonely, to Overcomer and Joyful

Dear Coach,

I have recently lost my husband 8 months ago and I am so lonely and sad. I feel tired most of the time.
I am also so sick of people telling me to just get over it! I feel like no one understands me and at times I am ready to die.
Will I ever be okay again?

Sad and Lonely

Dear Overcomer,

I will call you an overcomer because that is who you have been created to be. First of all yes, you will be okay, and not only will you be okay you will be great!  You have the opportunity in this life to not only overcome your own circumstances, but when you are ready, you will begin to help others that have experienced great loss as well. I am so sorry for your loss. No one could quite possibly understand the way you might like them to. The good news is that we have a God that is aquatinted with grief. Isaiah 53:3. He understands us better than we understand ourselves. He knows our suffering and sees every tear that falls. He is our deliverer, and He will deliver you!

Everyone in this life will experience loss to one degree or another. We cannot compare ourselves to others, nor can we quite possibly understand their pain, since we cannot measure or see pain, the best we can do is offer our compassion and comfort. The key for you will be to allow others to comfort you. To realize that they are simply doing and offering the best they have to give out of love. My suggestion would be for you to get involved in a godly, grief, support group. I know that they offer them at Saddleback Church. They have also just started a grief worship service.

As hard as it may be, discipline yourself to have a little bit of a schedule. Require yourself to have a routine, even when you do not feel like it. Getting out of the house and connecting with others is the best thing for depression and it will boost your energy. I know it can feel like you are dying and quite possibly this will be the last thing you will want to do, this is why I say you must require it from yourself. The more disciplined you are, the faster your recovery will be.

The enemy loves to take this opportunity of grief and use it to destroy your life. Do not let him! You must continue to fight the battle of the mind. Although mourning the loss of the loved one is painful, it does not need to destroy your life. This will be an opportunity to let your faith shine through. Use this opportunity to show the world that the enemy has not won!

  1. Call upon the Holy Spirit for power. 2 Corinthians 13:4.
  2. Believe, Declare and Act upon the truth of God’s Word and Promises. 2 Peter 1:4
  3. Proclaim what you desire. (Peace, happiness, joy, love, comfort) Romans 4:17
  4. Stay in the present. I have a little trick I like to call “Blink, Blink, What Do I See.” This is like a mind reprogram. Blink your eyes two times and then ask yourself what you see. It could be the green leaves, the road sign, children laughing, a color of a shirt, etc. This helps you to stay in the NOW, right where God wants you so He can speak to you.

You have a great life ahead of you! Get started mapping out your plan to be the overcomer you were created to be!

La Vonne Earl